I feel oddly peaceful tonight...

Recently, I've been stressed and moody about practically everything in my life.  The two most commonly known being family and school.  Honestly, I have absolutely no idea who has really noticed how fake I've been.  I've gone back to my old ways of faking my way through life.  I've begun to act my way through the day pretending I'm content with life when really I'm just barely getting by.  This usually wouldn't bother me much, I've been doing it practically all my life, but it's beginning to scare me a little.  The other day, while lying in bed, I realized that I was beginning to lose myself.  Even i can't tell whether I'm being fake anymore and honestly that's really frightening to me.

Tonight, I sat down with a close friend of mine and we talked about practically everything.  As we talked, I felt all my problems and stresses just slipping away from me.  We really didn't even talk that much, most of the night he just drove around and we listened to some relaxing music.  Mainly my Garden State soundtrack (which i'm absolutely in love with by the way).  The majority of the time was spent sitting in the car, staring down my block at absolutely nothing.  All we really did was sit and listen to the music, lost in our own thoughts.  I've never felt so comfortable in such a silent moment.  I really never thought a night spent sitting in a car staring off into space would lead to such a relaxing night. 

Every night, I go to bed hoping that when i wake up in the morning, everything will begin perfectly and i could go through one day stressfree.  I would really like to wake up one morning and spend a day just doing everything i wanted to do with no responsibilities.  I wanna go somewhere far away from everything I know, go to the most open space i can find, lie there and just fly off into a perfect dream world. 

Yes, everyone, I am human...I do have emotions other than happiness.  I know i don't show much anger or much of my sadder states to anybody but to those who I do show it to, I thank you all very much for being there for me.  I understand that when I do talk about my problems I let out quite a bit and it may be a really long rant but it means the world to me when you sit and listen.  Also to those who give me hugs at the most random, perfect moments I love you for that.  A hug or a smile is all most people need to make their day. 

One day, I'm going to get away from everything and take a day to myself.  Maybe when i do that, i'll find myself in this situation once again and i'll be able to feel at peace again for a second time.